So excited and so scared. I’m looking forward to the future, but I’m worried I’ll crap out. Nobody seems to have much faith in me right now, and instead of support from my family I’ve been receiving contempt. Not a lot, just little jabs every several days; enough to make me doubt myself more than I already do. When it comes from my sister, three years younger, it hurts the most. My mom's opinion matters to me so goddamn much--I don’t know why it does and I wish it didn’t.
I am going to kick butt on long cruise next week. Without my mom there, telling me what to do, I’m going to be my best.
Sorry for being emo today.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Reaching for My Dreams
I’m eating ramen, and writing this because last night I lay in bed--awake much longer than I would prefer for having to be at work at 6am--my brain thinking wildly about possibilities. I’m done with waiting for things to fall into my lap; I am going to, however cautiously I need to, start taking steps toward what I want.
After I didn’t get accepted as a Great Lakes United Tall Ships Challenge 2010 American Sail Training Association intern, I fell into a I-failed-so-I-must-not-be-good-enough-for-anything mindset. But then I started thinking–while I’m sure the internship has a lot to offer and would have been a fantastic experience for me, it’s not really what I want to do.
So I started researching volunteer crew opportunities aboard sailing ships. It’s not the best time of year, as this season’s positions are already filled and most ships won’t be taking more until spring, but it will give me time to look into it more. Adjust to the idea. Plan for travel and insurance and buy the needed gear.
I’d like to work onboard and learn the ropes on one or more vessels that take volunteer crew, and then, when I’m more qualified, perhaps apply for a paid position aboard Sultana or Pride of Baltimore.
Lachaim!
After I didn’t get accepted as a Great Lakes United Tall Ships Challenge 2010 American Sail Training Association intern, I fell into a I-failed-so-I-must-not-be-good-enough-for-anything mindset. But then I started thinking–while I’m sure the internship has a lot to offer and would have been a fantastic experience for me, it’s not really what I want to do.
So I started researching volunteer crew opportunities aboard sailing ships. It’s not the best time of year, as this season’s positions are already filled and most ships won’t be taking more until spring, but it will give me time to look into it more. Adjust to the idea. Plan for travel and insurance and buy the needed gear.
I’d like to work onboard and learn the ropes on one or more vessels that take volunteer crew, and then, when I’m more qualified, perhaps apply for a paid position aboard Sultana or Pride of Baltimore.
Lachaim!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Rejuvenating
Blogger's new layout options inspired me to restart this blog about my Journey to Being Someoneness.
I decided from now on I'll try to do instead of waiting for things to fall into my lap. Even if it's scary. Even if I fail.
I just need to gather my courage and go.
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